Like most of the country, I expected November 11th, 2016 would be a day to remember, regardless of which party you were voting for. What I didn’t expect was how much the outcome of the Presidential Election would impact me. I invited family members over and we were all looking forward to watching the election results roll in.
Based off what the polls were saying, Hillary was going to be our 45th president and 1st female president. Add this to the fact that we just elected our 1st black president 8 years ago; I was optimistic on the direction America was moving in. I was very confident despite Trump taking an early lead. The same thing had happened in 2012, when Romney took an early lead. As the results poured in, I was beginning to become uneasy.
While pacing around my living room, I felt it was my obligation to remain calm and reassure my family members by throwing out hypothetical outcomes of how “X”state was “still to close to call” and it would be OK because state “Y”was definitely going to turn blue. In all honesty, I was terrified.
It soon became apparent that the polls and media had made a mistake and I started to feel as if I was the butt of some cruel joke. Was this really happening? Emotions I never expected to feel that night started rushing in. Betrayed. Disgusted. Angry. Sad. Paralyzed. Lost. Hurt. As a Democrat, I wasn’t opposed to having a Republican president. I just didn’t want that President to be Trump.
Prior to Trump announcing his bid for President, I was a fan of his. From afar, I enjoyed his bravado, his outspokenness and his ambitious nature. He had his beliefs and I had mine and I felt they were most likely never going to compete.
Now I was faced with the stark reality that my beliefs and values were null and void. Somehow this man managed to reignite a bigger part of America than I thought existed. And then I cried. It wasn’t because a Democrat didn’t win. I cried because the picture I had painted in my mind was completely different from the one I was being shown. I cried because I felt the pain, fear and uncertainty of others not as fortunate as me. I cried because I felt that we had let down those that needed our help the most.
I cried because I felt extremely betrayed. As I lay in bed that night I was sure these feelings would be gone by the morning. When I woke up those awful, confusing feelings were still there–just in a more powerful way. The restless night’s sleep had done nothing to make me feel better.
It had done the opposite. I felt worse. For the next few days, I found myself extremely unmotivated. Eventually that lack of motivation was replaced with acceptance. I rarely ever turn to social media for a pick me up but that is what I did and that is what I got. All these feelings and emotions I was having were the same that others were feeling. That, for me, was a silver lining. At least for the next four years, this was the hand we had been dealt and we need to play our cards right.
This experience has been a wakeup call to action for me. It is a perfect example of what can happen when we are idle and decide to comfortably sit back and expect others to speak for us. I was intentionally asleep at the wheel. Aside from meaningless conversations within my social circles, I did absolutely no campaigning for Hillary. So I can’t say that I did everything I could to help her win. I did nothing to help, yet I was surprised and unhappy with the outcome. This was a choice that I made and now I have two options.
I can sit on the sidelines and watch it happen again, or I can get in the game and participate. Initially, I was hoping that Trump’s new campaign would be a complete disaster and I would be saying,
“I Told you so.” For the next four years. In hind site, I realize this was a byproduct of my own ego/fear/laziness. If his campaign were as awful as I imagined it to be, I wouldn’t have to do as much. I could sit back and watch again. My sentiment has since changed. I truly hope Donald Trump can “make America great again.”
I hope that he is able to bring America together and make us better as he claims. I am hoping that all the rhetoric and questionable behavior he demonstrated during his run was a tactic. I am hoping that one day I will be telling others what a fool I was for doubting him. I am willing to give Donald Trump a chance but I am no longer willing to remain on the sideline.
Creative Credits
- Written by
- Lawrence Brown
- Photography
- A.J. Kane Photography
